a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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