I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
nutella sex= disaster
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
