I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize