I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
