dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
