Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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