Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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