youre lurking in front of me
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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