I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
