Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
