The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's blow job season.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
