Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
