I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
