If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
