I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
