I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I know her cup size but not her name....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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