i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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