shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
