so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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