The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
