im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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