Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We need to get me chipped asap
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
