So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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