the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
