Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
