Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
