Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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