i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
