My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You've changed since you got that strap on
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
