I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
