just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
