at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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