Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
