You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just threw up on my dentist
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she told me i tasted like america
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
