She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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