Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
