the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
