Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
