Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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