So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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