is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
