Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize