just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
