I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think your dad took our porno
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
