Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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