So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
