Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
