Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
