I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
