nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
