Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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