I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
There's even glitter on my cock...
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