So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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