I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
