No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wish you could order shots online.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
