It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
