Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
