her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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