ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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