She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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