I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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