there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
