He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
