My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
BRING THE BAGELS
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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